While you would think your age would translate into mature dating experiences, many women (and men) find themselves reliving their teen years when it comes to the dating world.
Unreliability and confusion do not have to be a part of your dating-over-50 experience, dating coach Bobbi Palmer told Huff/Post50."A lot of people who are dating in their 50s probably haven't dated since they were [in their 20s] -- they're paralyzed, they still have the old vision of themselves and the old vision of the boys they were dating," Palmer said.
"We all mature -- most of us -- and this is the best time for anyone to date."Though there are new realities to deal with if you're dating after 50 (illness, sandwich generation concerns, menopause or impotence), it shouldn't dampen your love life or make you settle for anyone less than who you deserve.1. If you find yourself dating again in your 50s, chances are a major life event -- whether it be divorce or losing your loved one -- has given you quite the beating.
"It's about reacquainting yourself with who you are today and what value you hold in a partnership," she said. The internal list we all have that makes finding your perfect partner as hard as lassoing a unicorn.
"A lot of people are still holding on to the old vision of themselves."2. But holding on to that impossible list isn't fair to you or the men you date, Palmer said.
Instead of focusing on things like appearance, the type of car he drives and "all the adjectives you've had since you were 24," she says, "really [figure] out the feelings you want to feel in a partnership and what that looks like in real life.
Women of maturity learn that there are so many different attributes of a man that count so much more."3. " There's still more "me work" to be done when dating like a grown-up.
There's still the matter of erasing "those recordings that play in your head about men and relationships," Palmer said.
"'Men only want sex, men don't want relationships...' It's about getting past your limiting beliefs."Palmer acknowledges that these beliefs can become as automatic as "blinking," but said it's a matter of first recognizing that those beliefs exist and working through why you feel that way.
"It's about being intellectual with your beliefs and realizing they aren't true," instead of being completely emotional, she said.4. "Make a plan of where and how you're going to meet the right men and how to get a date," Palmer advised.
Whether it's getting online (which is how Palmer met her husband), classes, or social meetups for post 50s, "get out of your house, because a lot of us do the same routine everyday at [this] point in our lives," she said.
"We need to be proactive in going places where you're going to potentially meet eligible men."That doesn't mean you have to take the lead, Palmer said, but it does mean it's ok to show you're interested in the person. "They've been rejected since they were 14 years old at the dance. " Fast forward to a future version of yourself who's a few dates in with this new man.