In light of yesterday’s controversial piece by Maura Kelly, I’m posting a story by Jennifer Abramowitz (as told to me), an amazing plus-size woman who recently spoke openly to me about her experience dating in New York City.
I grew up with a mother who told me I was amazing, who said I could accomplish whatever I wanted to. But when I was a teenager, she also started saying, “You need to lose weight.
It will be harder when you get older to find your partner.” I went to weight-loss camp when I was young and was introduced to boys and the bases.
It was a different world there: Size wasn’t so much of an issue, though there was a hierarchy, with the skinnier girls at the top.
I had a few boyfriends every summer, and when I got really thin, I suddenly had a boyfriend back at school, too. After that it was back to the old way, and I didn’t have a boyfriend anymore. I was always overweight, but when I got to Vassar I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome.
I didn’t gain a freshman 15, I gained a freshman 50.
Then my dad died when I was 22 and I wasn’t interested in anything anymore. It wasn’t until I was 28 that I decided I wanted to date again, after I got back in touch with people from camp.
Some of them were very heavy, but they were married and successful in relationships. I started out on Jdate but worried that maybe people didn’t fully see my body type, even though I never lied or showed a picture that wasn’t me.
Some jerk once IMed and asked, “Are there really guys out there who are attracted to you?
” Friends of mine were setting one another up on dates but not me.