But I never told my bestie that we were spending time together, let alone that we were growing close.
I'm torn between my own desire for lasting relationship bliss and my desire to preserve the most important friendship in my life. —Something Has to Give Submit Your Own Question to a Therapist Your friend is going to be hurt. When you made the choice to start hanging out with your best friend’s ex without telling her, that’s when you made the decision to hide your actions, and possibly your feelings, from her.
On some level you must have known that she would be bothered by it, and you chose not to tell her.
I don’t say this to judge or to blame, but I think it is important to be clear about what has been happening.
She will very likely be devastated and feel betrayed by her best friend and by the man she thought she had a lasting future with.
I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I think you already know this. You feel this man could be the love of your life, and you’ve chosen to begin a relationship with him.
I think what you are looking for is a way to share this with your friend without losing her friendship. I think you are also hoping to alleviate some guilt you may be feeling about hurting someone you care deeply about.You can spend time and mental energy finding all kinds of justifications for your choices, but that’s not going to be helpful, ultimately.You believe this relationship could be serious and real, so why not stop hiding? You can’t expect your friend to be happy for you, not right away, at least, and perhaps not ever.What you can do is honor your long-standing friendship by being honest with her about what is happening, and own the fact you know you have hurt her.Let her know you are sorry she is hurting, and allow her to react however she chooses to. I think you show wisdom in recognizing how you would feel were the situation reversed. Your friend may have a hard time being around you or seeing the two of you together. Mutual friends may weigh in on both sides of the issue.There will be no shortage of people with opinions and judgment.