Trust is probably the most important ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife.
Trust is something that can be cultivated and nurtured if you will follow the guidelines below.
A colleague of mine who is known for his wisdom as an educator in Los Angeles defines an abusive relationship in the following way.
He suggests that an abusive relationship is one in which one person is afraid to express his or her feelings and opinions.
Needless to say, an abusive relationship is one where there is no trust.
The key to avoiding abuse and promoting trust is to consciously strive everyday to build a safe emotional space.
And let me say at the outset that, if you feel you are in an abusive relationship based on the definition I just gave, seek help immediately. Develop the skill of being a good listener, which is one of the hardest skills to develop. " Always make sure you've fully understood what the other person has said.
Being a good listener means you don't interrupt your spouse. A simple tool to use for this is the well known "mirroring technique." You reflect back what the other person has said.It may sound a bit contrived but, believe me, it really works.What you have to learn to do is say something like, "Let me make sure that I've understood what you just said.It sounded to me that you want me to..." If you are an "advanced" listener, try not only to reflect back the content, but the emotional tone as well.For example, "It seems you are really annoyed with me and you want me to be more careful the next time I..." A crucial component of good communication is the consistent use "I-statements" as opposed to "you-statements." I statements unite, while you-statements alienate and create distance. " A you-statement begins with "You make me feel..." A you-statement is almost always experienced as an attack.When I own my feelings and opinions by using an I-statement, I am communicating that I am taking responsibility for the issue and not blaming my spouse.