Your friend is awesome: He’s super sweet, he loves the same music you do and he always knows how to make you laugh.
You spend so much time together, so you get the “are you two dating? And while you usually laugh it off, lately you’ve been feeling more than platonic toward him.
You love being his friend, but now you’re questioning if you want to take it further than that.
And if you do hook up, then you have to deal with the “what now?
” We asked collegiettes and the experts about what it’s really like to hook up with a friend, what to consider beforehand and how to deal afterwards.
Before the actual hook-up happens, there are a couple important things to consider.
Clearly you care about the friendship, so you need to think about how much you’re willing to risk when exploring a new dimension of your relationship. Geoffrey Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland and author of , says that most romantic couples start as friends first, but it’s always important to think about how hooking up might negatively affect your friendship.
“[Hooking up] can be a natural progression to a long-term relationship, but it can also be the basis for misunderstandings and a lost friendship,” Greif says.
“Are [you] willing to risk what will most likely be a profound shift in the relationship?
” Additionally, dating coach Sandra Fidelis says, “If it’s a friendship you don’t want to lose, take into consideration whether you’d be willing not to have it [if] after the hook-up things became weird.” To help you decide if hooking up with your friend is the best idea or not, consider these pros and cons!
Hooking up with a friend could confirm if you both actually want to become more than friends, something that you may have only realized because you did hook up.
“[After hooking up with my friend,] we were both open and our friendship was strong enough to recognize there was something more between us,” says Sara, a freshman from UNC-Chapel Hill.
“We started dating after that.” Because you’re already friends, you have a good foundation for a relationship and it could be an easy transition.
According to Gabby*, a senior at the University of Delaware, hooking up with a friend might not be a bad idea if you see there’s potential for a relationship.