contains hints of misogyny because it stems from the stereotype that women want to be dominated and controlled.While some women may date men who are domineering because our culture prescribes that this is what they should want, “nice guys” often make this accusation against women who aren’t seeking out jerks.
Regardless, the assumption that people should be awarded dates according to how nice they are, with good people getting many and jerks getting very few, simply doesn’t reflect how dating works. Sometimes, nice people struggle with their love lives. This may seem unfair, but the whole concept of fairness is irrelevant when personal choices are concerned.
Stories of friends who get together can be sweet, and unrequited crushes on friends are always painful, but there are plenty of valid reasons not to date a friend.
Someone who is a great friend for you may not be the best boyfriend for you, and that’s okay.
On the ride home from a date spent struggling through a conversation with a guy I had very little in common with, he turned to me from the driver’s seat and asked, “So, want to do this again some time?
” He had spent the majority of our dinner at Applebee’s talking about his workout routines and the caloric content of the menu items; I was a Gender and Sexuality Studies student writing my thesis on how gender stereotypes contribute to eating disorders. The unfortunate thing is, he actually succeeded in guilting me into a second date.
At the time, I wasn’t well versed in what a self-identified “nice guy” (also sometimes known in feminist circles as Nice Guys™) actually was: someone who feels entitled to women for his supposed kindness.
behavior– which is based on one’s sense of superiority stemming from one’s “nice guy” status and usually accompanied by indignation when women reject the “nice guy” – is actually a telltale sign that someone is not nice.
We hear this not just from “nice guys” themselves, but also from other people who give us relationship advice.
If only you would just give that nice guy a chance, popular wisdom goes, he might surprise you.
doesn’t help either: Movies and TV are full of “nice” men who finally obtain the leading lady’s affections through perseverance once she realizes how nice he is (think Ross in Friends or Lenny in The Big Bang Theory).
Sending messages out into the ether is a struggle all OKCupid users can relate to – but most of us don’t consider this paucity of replies “unjust” because we don’t feel entitled to a message in the first place.