A lack of experiencing sexual attraction is the only thing that all asexuals have in common. But that definition doesn’t help people who are trying to figure out if they’re asexual.It’s a definition through negation, which isn’t useful if you’re not sure what’s being negated.It’s like saying “You’re unxonoxian if you’ve never seen a xonox.” How are you supposed to know if you’ve never seen a xonox, when you have absolutely no idea what a xonox is?
So you ask someone how to know if you’ve seen a xonox, and the best answer they can give is “Well, if you’ve seen a xonox, .” Because of this, figuring out if you’re really asexual can be a challenge.
How do you know if you’ve never felt sexual attraction when you’re not sure what sexual attraction even is, and no one can satisfactorily explain it to you?
What I’ve found is that most asexuals don’t come to the realization that they’re ace from reading that definition.
Instead, they read what someone else wrote on a blog or in forum posts, or they see a news article or You Tube video on asexuality and think, “That person just described .” Even though a lack of sexual attraction is the only thing all asexuals have in common, there are clusters of shared experiences, similar things that some asexuals have felt.
It’s these shared experiences which often make people come to realize that they’re asexual.
In this series of posts, I’m going to explore some of them.(Please note: These aren’t universal ace traits, so don’t worry if you don’t fit into them all. This shouldn’t be looked at like a checklist or “Am I Asexual? You can still be asexual even if you’ve experienced none of the things on this list and you may not be asexual even if you’ve experienced most of them.There’s no diagnostic test to confirm if you’re asexual, there’s no twenty-seven point checklist, and you don’t have to pass an initiation or be referred by someone who’s already in the club.The only person who can truly diagnose your sexual orientation is you.Also, I want to note that these thoughts or experiences should not be taken as some sort of manifesto of the unquestioned and unified belief system of all asexuals.They’re not necessarily the right experiences or the wrong experiences, and certainly, some of them may be misguided or born out of ignorance.