If you google around for articles about Ashley Madison, the online dating site for married people, you'll usually end up reading variations on one of two pieces.
If I were trying to justify that last statement, I'd say that my wife belongs to the latter category, but that would be a lie.
She's as addicted to sex as anyone, except that for some weird reason she only wants to have sex with me.
I'd messed around on Tinder in the past with some success, but while I'm clearly a scumbag, I'm a scumbag who doesn't want to get caught.
I've found that meeting someone on Tinder involves double the amount of lying – lying to my wife about what I'm up to, but also lying to my matches about my situation.
As good a liar as I am, keeping up this level of deceit can be tiring.
Ashley Madison seemed like a way of addressing both problems.
Anyone on the site who recognised me was likely to be as morally compromised as I am and therefore unlikely to blow my cover.
And if I managed to meet someone, I wouldn't have to make up some cock-and-bull story about having to be discreet because I'd recently separated from my wife, yada yada yada. A website populated by men who want sex, but don't want to get found out, is the perfect place to rip someone off.
So I set up a profile on Ashley Madison, posted a discreet photo and bought some credits in the hope that I might eventually meet some other married sex addicts. However, most of these con artists have the sophistication of a Nigerian 419 scammer and are fairly easy to spot.
One of their biggest flaws is that they use photos of porn stars for their profile pics, without realising that most AM users probably spend more time watching porn than they do playing with their kids.
Some of these profiles cut right to the promise of whatever sick shit turns you on.